My Dear Reader,
Polyamorous lifestyle requires quite a bit of letting go…
Letting go of people you've just met or been intimate with… Letting go of dreams, hopes and ideas that came to an end. Letting go of stories of what has happened and whose fault it was. Forgiving myself and others. Accepting what is. Organic process of burning into the ashes and rising like a Phoenix again and again.
I choose polyamory because I don't believe in rigid rules of monogamy. I align with the idea of not having to limit the abundance of love and lust within me.
I want to fully embody who I am – an intensely sensitive, emotional, expressive, sexual and {imperfectly} loving woman.
According to the attachment theory we all attach in various ways. Some are avoidant and tend to connect slowly and reluctantly. Others attach and detach with ease. Letting go for someone who has an anxious attachment style is especially hard.
What happens is – I attach quickly, and detach painfully. Relationships come at a cost of beautiful highs and excruciating lows. The burning of the Phoenix is my teaching. I learn to surrender and accept. I learn to love myself through tough times. I grow. I birth into a new me.
This continuing process of renewal strengthens me. Some endings teach me more about myself and ways to improve, than do the good times. I am forever grateful to all of my teachers. Though I often hate the pain I feel in the process.
I believe nothing is wasted as pain turns into compassion and love. In our myriad of experiences of this roller coaster we call life.
… From Alice with Love <3