Alice_JournalFake2

Art of Pretense

At times I feel like I’m one of the best actresses on Earth. I wear a mask of perfection and confidence. Joy. Happiness. I play a role of a mother and a wife in a picture perfect family of four – a loving husband and two talented and well-behaved kids.

Financial abundance. Loads of creativity and free time. Heck – I don’t even have to work. I can study anything I want, dance, paint, travel and socialize.

The truth is, another relationship has ended for me. I feel heart-broken, empty and lost. I want to run away and hide. I need to heal and get back to my roots so I can learn to trust again.

At times I feel like I’m an imposter smiling at people and responding “Great” to their “How are yous”. Wearing beautiful, seductive and sexy clothes, attracting people’s attention. Communicating non-verbally – I’m perfect. Flawless. In shape and have it all figured out. I eat healthy, I work out a lot and love life.

The truth is I want you to like me. I want you to love me. That’s why I look the way I look and dress the way I dress.

At times I feel like a fake – discussing psychology, spirituality and energy healing.

The truth is I am overwhelmed by strong emotions of sadness and anger. None of my training is really helping when these waves of pain cover me. It’s just a matter of weathering all of this and surviving.

This is probably the most vulnerable post I’ve ever written. And I appreciate you reading it.

And I know that there will be a time when I will again embody all of the beautiful qualities people see in me without feeling like a fake.

8 thoughts on “Art of Pretense

  1. Your honesty just touched my heart and brought me peace. Your blog is one of my favorites. Your openness and vulnerability only add to the feels.

    Thank you for sharing your soul with us.

    Happily
    Q

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